Thanks For The Weed
by camihere
Summary: What happens when Arizona confiscates a bag of weed from one of her not-so-tiny humans? And what will Callie do when she finds out her wife never smoked? Warning: contains drug usage and sex scene! Do not read if you're offended by those.


**Disclaimer: I do not, under any circumstance, encourage the use of any kind of drugs in this story. The effects of the drug described in this story are purely fictional and do not intend to imitate real effects. The consumption of marijuana can and will bring different effects in each individual and I do not intend to make them seem attractive. I also do not own the characters here described and do not mean to infringe any copyright – the usage of characters is purely fictional and meant for entertainment without profit.**

_Arizona's POV_

"Calliope, wake up, you'll never believe what happened!" I called as I gently poked my wife's arm, who laid spread on the living room couch with her eyes closed. She immediately jumped, startled, and I regretted instantly not being nicer, but she usually didn't wake up this quickly unless she had gone to bed preoccupied. "Sorry," I added. "Why are you sleeping here?"

"I was waiting for you," Callie said as she sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. In less than five seconds she was already fully awake – it's a doctor thing for unexpected 911's. "How did the surgery go? Is everything ok?"

I felt a sudden wave of warmth in my chest at her sweetness. "Yeah, it is," I said. "You shouldn't have waited for me, though."

She shrugged. "Nonsense."

"Sofia's at Mark?"

"Yep and sound asleep," she replied with a proud smile. "And since we have the place to ourselves and we're both awake and everybody's alive, we might as well get something out of this very happy day." I giggled as she smiled, sweet and filthy at the same time, and she proceeded to capture my lips with hers. I sighed happily at the contact, but gently pushed her away.

"Wait, I have to tell you about what happened," I sighed in frustration as I remembered what was occupying my head just moments before. "You remember Victor, right?"

"Cancer?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "He's 16 and really mature about the whole cancer thing. He's a really nice kid – like really, _really_ nice. And super smart."

"But his dad is a douchebag, right?" Callie recalled our previous conversations about Victor. I loved that kid and we were trying to beat his cancer for 5 months now with surgeries and chemo – and every damn time I saw his father I had to fight the urge to kick him where the sun doesn't shine. The man was rude, insensitive and not supportive at all for a parent with a sick kid – and not just any sick kid, Victor was the sweetest guy ever.

"Right," I agreed with her. "We had a little problem today, though."

"Ooo, did Karev punch his dad's eye?" Callie sounded excited.

I huffed. "I wish," but of course I would never let Alex know about my personal opinion about this, since he seemed very eager to go ahead and do as Callie suggested. "I found a stash of weed hidden under his pillow."

"Wait, what?" Callie's mouth hung open.

"Yeah," I sighed. "We've talked about this before. He had some questions about it and I told him that while yeah, some states approve the use of medicinal marijuana for the pain management of cancer patients, it was unreasonable for him, since he's underage and, well, it's illegal here."

"How the hell did he buy weed from the hospital?"

"He's a really smart kid!" I matched Callie's tone of incredulously. "Anyway, I took it from him, but he made me promise not to tell his dad."

"Arizona!" Callie exclaimed.

"I know!" I cried. "I know, standard protocol is for me to report is to the minor's legal guardian, but –"

"You know what," Callie interrupted me. "You did right, babe. The father's a douche. He probably would have beaten the poor kid to death, then you'd have to call social services and the whole thing would be a mess. Plus, he's 16. Curiosity is normal – we've all been there, done that."

I eyed my wife in disbelief. "I haven't."

"Wait, you've never smoked pot?" It was Callie's turn to look incredulous. "Not even once in high school or something?"

"Never!" I raised an eyebrow at her. "You've met my father. I can't believe you smoked pot!"

Callie shrugged. "Not like a regular thing, just a few times."

"I married a crackhead."

"Aw, c'mon baby, it's just weed," seriously, Calliope? "I know it's gross when people carry that habit for life, but everybody's done it once or twice just to try it. It's pretty harmless, short-term. It's funny, relaxing, you know, whatever."

"Why do I feel like this is something I should have known before I proposed?"

Callie laughed that big, heartfelt laughter that fills the room completely. I melted a little. I'm not as freaked out as I say I am – for the sake of being honest, I do believe my brother Tim used to have some pretty suspicious looking friends that had bloodshot eyes and knowing my brother I wouldn't be surprised if he tried it once or twice.

"I think we were kind of busy arguing about your bff Mark for you to even ask that sort of question," Callie teased me. She constantly called us bffs now because of our newfound friendship – but deep down I know she's grateful for it. We're kind of stuck together for life now, so might as well get the best out of it. I shot her a warning glare, though, just to maintain the habit.

"I'm just surprised, we never really talked much about high school," I pondered. "I guess we talked some about med school, but not much about school years. Although I do remember you referring to yourself as the girl in the back of the class chewing on her hair."

"Hey!" Callie chuckled. "That was a metaphor. It was in college, though. That I tried weed, I mean."

"So, what else should I know?" I teased her. "Any crack or heroin habit I should be aware of? Cause I'd like a heads up, you know. Does Sofia have, like, 13 fingers or 16 toes? I never really counted."

Callie chuckled. "Liar." She caught me there. I always count Sofia's fingers and toes – I just can't get over how perfect she is. I shrugged. She knew what I was thinking.

"Wanna try crack?" Callie chuckled and I couldn't help but follow her.

"No, but…" I trailed off. Callie raised her eyebrows in expectation. I dug my hand in my coat's pocket and held the little bag. "What about this?"

_Third Person's POV_

Callie stared in shock at the bag inside her wife's hand containing three rolled up blunts, but her shock soon faded into laughter. Arizona giggled.

"Are you serious?" Callie grabbed the bag from Arizona's hand and opened it, smelling the contents. "Yep. Definitely weed."

"I forgot to turn it in to the chief, but I'll do it tomorrow," Arizona chuckled and reached for the bag, but her wife was fast and ducked.

"Did you already tell Hunt about it?"

"Huh, no, why?" Then it dawned her. "No!"

"C'mon, babe!" Callie begged with a hint of amusement. "You should try it at least once in your life. Mark has Sofia and we're not on call. It's the perfect opportunity and it's free!"

"Calliope!" Arizona stared wide-eyed at her.

"C'mon, let's smoke and do something deviant," she suggested. Her eyes had a sparkle of excitement and Arizona wondered if that was the Callie that joined Peace Corps and did all kind of adventurous things. She bit her lip. "We never got to go to Spain or have sangrias. I feel like with Sofia coming so quickly we never got to do so much… We're moms and doctors and wives – and I get it, we have responsibilities. I just feel like we never do anything adventurous anymore, or even have too much fun. I love it, I swear. I love Sofia and our lives, but we never just dance and get drunk together anymore."

Arizona felt captivated by the glint in Callie's eyes and couldn't help but agree. They were married and responsible now, but sometimes she missed the freedom and inconsequent fun.

She finally caved. "Oh, what the heck," she smiled. "Light up this bad boy."

"Yeah!" Callie cheered excitedly and gave her wife a sloppy kiss on one of her dimples.

Arizona had experience with cigarettes, so it wasn't hard for her to inhale, although she did cough the first few puffs out – but then again, so did Callie.

"Oh, Jesus," Arizona managed to choke out after her coughs subsided. Her throat felt like it was on fire. "This is horrible, Calliope."

"Relax, it will kick in," Callie said after blowing some smoke above Arizona's head. "The first time I smoked I didn't even feel anything. You have to smoke more than that. It'll have more effect if you keep it longer in your lungs, but the sooner you let it out, the less you'll feel the need to cough."

Arizona nodded and tried again, this time leaving the smoke inside her lungs a little less time than before. She had studied the logistics of the act and had considered it more of advantage if she kept the smoke for longer in her lungs – only made sense, so her blood would have more time to collect the THC – but she had failed to consider the lack of real industrial filter and the urge to cough.

Callie smiled at her wife, finding it extremely adorable that she was trying weed for the first time in life at her late thirties, married and with a daughter. The couple looked like a pair of scared teenagers smoking in their father's garage and constantly giggled at each other. Arizona loved how silly she felt when suddenly her eyelids felt incredibly heavy, but different than sleepy. She didn't want to close her eyes, but found it really satisfying keeping them only halfway open.

Arizona looked over at Callie and giggled in satisfaction to notice her wife's droopy eyes. "You look super stoned and like, really sleepy."

Callie giggled back. "You too." Arizona giggled back, but didn't register her wife's answer, instead focusing on the fact that her very full-time badass, rock star, ortho goddess of wife had just _giggled_ at her.

"You're giggling," Arizona laughed loudly, pointing an accusing finger at Callie. What she hadn't realized, though, was that Callie had stopped giggling a long time ago. The Latina, already a little slow and forgetting the initial topic of the conversation, thought Arizona was having a hallucination and laughed harder than her. Arizona found that even more amusing and laughed back; they were stuck in a laughter cycle.

Soon the couple's laughter had reached a very high volume – unaware to both – and was interrupted by a knock coming from the door.

"Ooooh, shit, it's the cops!" Arizona jumped up, only half serious. Callie laughed – then Arizona thought again, found the unrealism of it and followed Callie's laughter.

"Or maybe your dad!" Callie laughed out.

"He's gonna be so pissed I have a girl over in a school night!" Arizona said, purposely half serious. Callie soon followed the game.

"How are we gonna tell him you knocked me up?" She asked in a suggestive tone, raising an eyebrow at Arizona. The blonde thought maybe it was because she was high, but Callie's look made her feel like the Latina was suggesting her skills in bed were so good they could actually impregnate someone. She wasn't sure why, but she actually liked the implication.

"Yeah?" Arizona leaned in and lightly bit her wife's lower lip in a sensual manner while maintaining visual contact. Callie instantly felt a heat radiating through her body and quickly used one hand to grab the blonde's hair, pulling it lightly as they went in for a full-blow kiss to show pleasure. Arizona moaned lightly and held Callie's waste, who was now starting to take her coat off.

"You're so sexy," Callie mumbled against Arizona's neck before going back to her mouth.

"Holy crap…" A deep raspy voice broke their kiss as both women jumped apart, startled. Mark stood frozen to the spot at the door, eyes wide to match his equally open mouth. "C-carry on."

"Mark!" Callie whined, annoyed at the man. Her wife had a different reaction, though.

"Mark!" Arizona jumped up from the floor and heeley'd towards him, her arms spread wide open and a happy grin at her lips. "Dance with me!" She threw her arms around his neck. "Will you dance with me at our daughter's wedding?"

Mark snapped out of his trance. "JESUS CHRIST!" He yelled and pushed the blonde away from him – and much to Arizona's surprise, he then covered his man's parts.

"Wha–" Arizona's expression dawned with realization. "EEEEEW!"

"Oh my God." Callie watched the whole scene unfold with a frozen expression of surprise, but soon the awkwardness of the situation got too much and she burst into laughter.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew," Arizona kept repeating, stepping away from Mark as he stretched a desperate apologetic arm. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Mark quickly sent his hand back to his crotch, slightly bending over as if he was naked and trying to cover his penis. (_Author's Note: it's a dream coming true for me writing a story with the word "penis" in it! Crossed off my bucket list!_)

"I'll just go," He mumbled as he awkwardly stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind him. Arizona had a look of horror in her face that made Callie laugh harder.

"I feel traumatized," Arizona mumbled, looking back at a now recomposed Callie. "Should I get tested for, like, AIDS or something? Or Hep-C?"

Callie laughed again. "Nah, you're cool," she grinned. "Rabbis, tops!"

"Not funny!" Arizona pouted, her cheeks reddening significantly.

"Aw, babe, c'mere," Callie smiled, wrapping her arms around the blonde and kissing behind her ear and Arizona instantly relaxed under her, already turning her head to grant better access. The Latina's hands quickly found their way to underneath Arizona's shirt, running slowly around the skin they found there. "Do you like that?"

"Mm-hmm…" Arizona distractedly mumbled with eyes shut. Callie's hands were warm and all kinds of soft. Being ticklish, the blonde's belly flinched a couple of times under the extremely soft touch.

Callie pulled on her shirt. "Take this off." She didn't have to ask twice as her wife promptly complied and soon her pants were gone as well, along with Callie's shirt.

"Fuck, you're hot," Arizona moaned and Callie's internal reaction made it impossible for her not to push the blonde against the wall and place her own thigh in between hers. Arizona made a very sexy whimper noise and buried both hands in the black waves of Callie's hair as she kissed her way down Arizona's body. "Fuck."

It wasn't normal for Arizona to swear so much, but Callie found the words extremely sexy – especially coming from her, which made it so much better.

Callie groaned as she put one hand on the other woman's underwear. "You're so wet." It didn't take long until the piece of garment was gone and Callie's tongue dug into the wet, soft skin she found underneath. Her hands held Arizona in place by her toned thighs.

Arizona gasped. "Sweet mother–" she shut her eyes and raised her head, hitting lightly a picture frame that was on the wall and fell down behind her as soon as she looked back down. The noise of the frame hitting the floor seemed to go unnoticed by Callie as she kept focused on pleasuring Arizona. "F-fuck – fuck me."

Callie's insides tingled in pleasure and she looked up to smirk at Arizona's surprised face as she stuck two fingers inside of her. "Like this?" Callie asked.

"Harder," Arizona moaned out as an unconscious hand flew to her own hair. Callie took the chance to suck on her clit as she hardened the stroke of her fingers. Just as Arizona moaned out in pleasure one more time, Callie curled her fingers upwards and ran her tongue up and down her clit a few times. "Oh, God." Arizona groaned and her voice got stuck in her throat as an overwhelming wave of pleasure hit her with an orgasm. She contracted all muscles in her body, trapping Callie's fingers in place while she massaged Arizona's g-spot and kept stroking her clit with her tongue.

A last wave of her orgasm hit the blonde before she slid down the wall and sat on the floor with her eyes still closed. She couldn't see it, but Callie smirked down at her before planting a wet kiss on her lips.

"Victor," Arizona said in between grinning lips, never opening her eyes. "Thanks for the weed."

Callie giggled and Arizona opened her eyes, wearing a mischievous grin, before capturing her wife's lips and bringing the two lightly to the floor.

**A/N: **I've been dying to post a Calzona fic and I'm working on two different multi-chapter stories right now, but they're really dramatic and angsty… So I had this idea like one hour ago and decided to put it down on (virtual) paper! I have to say, though, as soon as the two smoked in this fic I smoked with them and wrote whatever nonsense came to my head. Dunno if it's any good, for real, but I had a blast writing high and laughed a lot. But, people under influence laugh at basically anything, so maybe it was just a good high lol. If you feel offended by this comment, read the disclaimer again.


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